The River Cafe — only for the rich kids

Puntarelle alla Romana - simplicity at its finest

A picture-perfect day

Look, apart from being late and running towards the restaurant like a mad woman, it started so well. The Thames was sparkling, the sun was shining etc. etc. And I was excited to finally be trying the food at the iconic River Cafe. I mean, it has its own Wikipedia page, need I say more?

We sat down, we ordered pomegranate martinis. This was the first time we were meeting properly but immediately the chat bounced back and forth. We kept forgetting to look at the menu. The waiters were patient with us. We were having fun.

Eventually we worked out what to eat (ordering identically) and asked the waiters to explain the puntarelle. They kindly obliged: a variant of chicory, long light green stems with a pleasant bitterness. Sold. They brought focaccia to the table and the greenest of grassy green olive oils. Not one note was missed.

Next: ravioli alla verde. I can’t remember the specifics, but the filling was ricotta-based, the sauce had walnuts and it was as perfectly executed and delicious as you would expect.

Ravioli al verde with a walnut sauce

The main, in comparison to the first two courses, was underwhelming. The fish was a bit under and the flavours a tad muddled. It wasn’t bad… but it also probably (definitely) was not worth the £45 price tag. But we were having such a lovely time that, at this point, it was ALL GOOD.

The king of the sea — but not quite cooked with majesty here

To finish the meal: the infamous lemon tart. And flawless it was. I like the confidence of a restaurant that can deliver a dessert like this: a single slice, a little creme fraiche on the side, not even artfully swirled. Great food doesn’t need embellishment.

Gorgeous, sunny, spotty

So what went wrong, I hear you cry?!

We transitioned outside to finish our glasses of wine — not at any of the tables that they would use for service, but at a spot overlooking the Thames. The good times continued to roll, but when my dining partner went to ask for another couple of glasses of wine, the response she received was: “We are not here to serve you drinks, we are not a pub, there’s a pub down the road.”

Erm, really? After spending several hundred on lunch, we were WELL AWARE that the River Cafe is not a pub. The issue was not that they declined to serve us another glass of wine, it was the way that they did it: their response was designed to make us feel small, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s never okay.

You would think that the most important factor when eating out would be the quality of the food, but where a place offers warm service you will forgive a weaker culinary offering. Equally, where the food is excellent and the service appalling, it’s very rare that you would return — certainly not in London where we are spoilt for choice.

And I suppose that spoilt by their own success might be the best way to describe The River Cafe.

When I posted about my experience on Instagram not only was it met with a lot of shock, but I also received many, many messages from others who had been treated similarly at this restaurant. How disappointing is that?

I don’t really make it my business to be negative about the businesses that people have worked hard to build (and hospitality is one of the hardest businesses out there). Still, I also feel that it’s my duty to be honest with you so that you can make an informed choice about where to spend your money (especially if lunch at somewhere like the River Cafe isn’t a casual weekend recurrence). I would hate for someone to save up money to go here for a celebration and be made to feel like less.

The River Cafe never responded to my feedback, nor did I expect them to. They will continue to be very successful because they know their audience: they cater for the über rich who can afford to casually eat lunch there most weekends. Their audience is happy to pay 3x for Italian food that, whilst excellent, you could probably find elsewhere these days (which is not to take away from the fact that they were ahead of their time when they opened the restaurant in the 80s). Still, I know that I wouldn’t choose to spend my money here again.

To use that often-quoted phrase by the wonderful Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel”. The River Cafe probably don’t feel that they need to do better — they will survive regardless — but as an iconic restaurant operating in the hospitality sector, you would have hoped that they would lead by example.